If you find yourself:

• going above and beyond for everyone else, but feeling resentful no one does the same for you

• feeling worried and “guilty” about saying no

• taking on way more than you can handle to avoid letting someone else down

• not speaking up to “keep the peace”

• saying “I’ll have that too” when eating out with friends/family

• asking others for permission when making decisions and needing reassurance

• saying “no worries if not! LOL” when you are indeed worrying

• overscheduling yourself and canceling/moving around activities for you to accomodate others

• saying “sorry” chronically for everything - even things that aren’t your fault

You probably struggle with people-pleasing. Read more about it here

15 signs you were raised by an Emotionally Immature Parents:

• The household often revolved around their mood. If your parent was happy, everyone could breathe. If they were angry or stressed out, everyone had to walk on eggshells.

• They had BIG reactions to problems. They didn’t know how to handle their stress, so they dumped it on to you.

• They praised you for when you were performing (like getting straight A’s, winning a game, or cleaning the house). But the very moment you had an emotion like sadness or anger, you were shamed, ignored, or told to “get over it”, “go to your room,” or “stop being dramatic.”

• When you tried to bring up a concern or hurt feeling, they immediately made it about them. You’d hear things like “I guess I’m just a terrible parent then!” or “You’re so ungrateful after everything I’ve done for you!”

• They rarely could put themselves in your shoes. If you were upset, they’d tell you why you shouldn’t be or they’d make it about how your feelings were affecting them.

• You grew up with reversed roles. You felt like the “adult” in the relationship who had to de-escalate arguments, comfort them or stay quiet to keep the peace.

• Conversations were surface-level. You could talk about the weather or what’s for dinner, but the second things got deep or emotional, they would shut down, crack a joke, or change the subject.

• They didn’t understand privacy. They may have read your diary, stormed into your room without knocking, or shared really personal things about you to the entire family.

• When you did something great, they made sure to tell everyone it was because of their parenting. They showed you off when it made them look good.

• Everything was a personal attack. If you wanted to spend time with friends or do something by yourself, they took it as a sign you didn’t love them or were “abandoning” the family.

• You feel a pit in your stomach when you see their name pop up on your phone. You have to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation before your even pick up.

• They never really apologized. You’d get “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I got so angry/upset/scared because you did X” but never got an “I’m sorry I said that and hurt your feelings. That wasn’t okay for me to do.” They’d rather blow it off nothing happened than admit they were wrong.

• You were either compared to your siblings or other people. You had to compete to earn their love and were were probably the “golden child” or the “scapegoat.”

• They were inconsistent emotionally. One day they were your “best friend,” the next they were cold and distant for whatever reason. You never knew what version you’d get.

• You felt responsible for their happiness. You took on the job to make sure they aren’t lonely, bored, angry. Yet, despite your efforts, it was never enough for them .

Read more here

Often people-pleasers and adult children of EIP’s experience anxious attachment. Typically anxious attachers:

• Checking your phone constantly and feeling a pit in your stomach if a text goes unanswered for "too long."

• Reading into every tiny shift in tone, wondering if a short "Okay" means they are secretly mad or leaving you.

• Asking "Are we okay?" or "Do you still love me?" not because you’ve done something wrong, but because your internal "connection meter" feels empty.

• Over-explaining yourself when you haven’t done anything wrong, just to make sure there’s "no chance" they could be upset with you.

• Worrying you’re "too much" for people, so you try to shrink your needs or act "chill" even when you're actually panicking inside.

• Apologizing for "being annoying" any time you ask for a basic answer or a little bit of extra attention.

• Assuming that if they are quiet or tired, they are actually furious with you and just waiting for the "right time" to break up. they are actually furious with you and just waiting for the "right time" to break up.

• Feeling like every problem has to be solved right now, staying up until 3:00 AM to "talk it out" because you can't handle the thought of going to sleep while there is distance between you.

• Over-functioning for two. Doing all the emotional heavy lifting (planning, checking in, apologizing first) to make the relationship "perfect" so they have no reason to leave.

• Expressing your feelings with more intensity (crying harder, raising your voice, or using "always/never" statements) because you’re afraid if you stay calm, they won’t realize how much you're hurting.

• Constantly looking at their face while you speak to see if they are actually processing you, and feeling a spike of hurt if they look at their phone for even a second.

Read more about anxious attachment here.

You might struggle with overachievers if you find yourself:

• Tying your entire mood to your "To-Do" list, where checking off 9 out of 10 items feels like a total failure.

• Feeling "guilty" or anxious when relaxing, as if sitting on the couch is a character flaw or a waste of potential.

• Saying "I’ve got it" or "I’ll just do it myself" because delegating feels like losing control or risking a "mediocre" result.

• Over-preparing for every meeting or conversation to the point of exhaustion, just so no one can "catch you" not knowing an answer.

• Basing your self-worth on your last "win," meaning the high of an achievement lasts about five minutes before you’re already chasing the next one.

• Ignoring physical pain or burnout signals (like headaches or exhaustion) because "the work" is more important than your body.

• Feeling like a "fraud" (Imposter Syndrome) despite having a mountain of evidence and successes that say otherwise.

• Taking on extra projects you don't even like, simply because you know you’d be the best at them and can't stand to see them done "averagely."

Common experiences of trauma, PTSD, and CPTSD include:

• Always "Scanning" the Room: Walking into a place and immediately checking if people look happy, annoyed, or "off" before you can even sit down.

• Waiting for the "Other Shoe to Drop": Feeling like things are going too well, so you start worrying about what disaster is going to ruin it next.

• The "Invisible" Feeling: Feeling like a ghost in your own life, like you’re watching yourself from a distance rather than actually living in your body.

• Over-Reacting to Small Noises: Jumping or feeling your heart race just because a door slammed or someone raised their voice slightly.

• "Freezing" During a Conflict: Your mind goes totally blank when someone is upset with you, and you literally can't find the words to speak.

• Feeling "Bad" for No Reason: Waking up with a heavy feeling of guilt or shame, even though you didn't actually do anything wrong.

• Hard to Remember Childhood: Having "fuzzy" or "patchy" memories of growing up, or feeling like your childhood was just one long blur of "getting by."

• Needing to "Hide" to Recharge: Feeling like being around people—even people you love—is physically draining, and you need to be in a dark, quiet room just to feel "safe" again.

• The "Inner Mean Voice": Having a voice in your head that is 10 times meaner to you than you would ever be to a friend.

• Body Aches That Won't Go Away: Having a tight chest, a knotted stomach, or a sore jaw because your muscles are "armored up" and ready for a fight 24/7.

Read more here

If you find yourself:

• Buying a crystal or a new tarot deck because you’re looking for a "sign" that you’re on the right track in life.

• Feeling "sensitive" to the energy in a room, where you can literally feel the tension or the joy of others before they even speak.

• Trying to "meditate away" your anxiety, but feeling like a failure because your brain won't stop thinking about your to-do list.

• Looking up your "Big Three" (Sun, Moon, Rising) because you want a map that explains why you feel and act the way you do.

• Feeling a "pull" toward nature, like the only time your nervous system actually calms down is when you’re near trees or water.

• Wondering if your "gut feeling" is actually intuition or just your past trauma trying to protect you from getting hurt.

• Getting emotional during a Yoga class, especially in "heart openers" or hip stretches, and not knowing why you suddenly want to cry.

• Searching for "The Why" behind everything, refusing to believe that life is just a series of random accidents.

• Trying to "align your Chakras" because you feel like your voice (Throat) or your heart is physically "blocked" or heavy.

• Craving a "Higher Power" or Universe connection that feels bigger and more stable than the unreliable people in your life.

Read how we use the chakra system with EMDR