Did I Have an “Emotionally Immature” Parent? 15 Signs and How to Heal
Okay, so you’ve probably heard of the term "Emotionally Immature” or “Emotionally Unavailable” parent. But if you landed here, you’re likely wondering: Wait, does that actually apply to me?
Growing up with an Emotionally Immature Parent (EIP) is confusing. It usually means you were expected to "act like an adult" when they needed you to be mature, but the second you disagreed or "disobeyed," you were treated like a child who didn't know anything.
It’s a strange way to grow up. You probably felt lonely, despite being told "family is everything." You felt guilty for being unhappy because, on paper, everything looked fine. You had a roof over your head, food on the table, and clothes on your back.
But, underneath it all, you had the feeling you were invisible unless you were being “useful.”
Growing up with an EIP creates an invisible wound most people don’t notice.
15 signs you were raised by an emotionally immature parent:
The household often revolved around their mood. If your parent was happy, everyone could breathe. If they were angry or stressed out, everyone had to walk on eggshells.
They had BIG reactions to problems. They didn’t know how to handle their stress, so they dumped it on to you.
They praised you for when you were performing (like getting straight A’s, winning a game, or cleaning the house). But the very moment you had an emotion like sadness or anger, you were shamed, ignored, or told to “get over it”, “go to your room,” or “stop being dramatic.”
When you tried to bring up a concern or hurt feeling, they immediately made it about them. You’d hear things like “I guess I’m just a terrible parent then!” or “You’re so ungrateful after everything I’ve done for you!”
They rarely could put themselves in your shoes. If you were upset, they’d tell you why you shouldn’t be or they’d make it about how your feelings were affecting them.
You grew up with reversed roles. You felt like the “adult” in the relationship who had to de-escalate arguments, comfort them or stay quiet to keep the peace.
Conversations were surface-level. You could talk about the weather or what’s for dinner, but the second things got deep or emotional, they would shut down, crack a joke, or change the subject.
They didn’t understand privacy. They may have read your diary, stormed into your room without knocking, or shared really personal things about you to the entire family.
When you did something great, they made sure to tell everyone it was because of their parenting. They showed you off when it made them look good.
Everything was a personal attack. If you wanted to spend time with friends or do something by yourself, they took it as a sign you didn’t love them or were “abandoning” the family.
You feel a pit in your stomach when you see their name pop up on your phone. You have to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation before your even pick up.
They never really apologized. You’d get “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I got so angry/upset/scared because you did X” but never got an “I’m sorry I said that and hurt your feelings. That wasn’t okay for me to do.” They’d rather blow it off nothing happened than admit they were wrong.
You were either compared to your siblings or other people. You had to compete to earn their love and were were probably the “golden child” or the “scapegoat.”
They were inconsistent emotionally. One day they were your “best friend,” the next they were cold and distant for whatever reason. You never knew what version you’d get.
You felt responsible for their happiness. You took on the job to make sure they aren’t lonely, bored, angry. Yet, despite your efforts, it was never enough for them .
How Growing Up with an Emotionally Immature Parent Affects Your Adult Relationships
If you’re reading this nodding your head and thinking “check, check, check,” you might also realize these childhood patterns followed you into adult relationships. Even now, your parent acts like a moody teenager, gives you the silent treatment, or refuses to go deep emotionally.
When you grow up with an EIP, you learn that your needs come last. You become a people-pleaser because you had to manage your parent’s mood and keep them happy.
You struggle to trust people because love felt so inconsistent. You’re always waiting for the "cold" version of your partner to return, or for the other shoe to drop. You find yourself pushing people away before they can reject you, even when you crave connection more than anything.
Because "getting deep" with your parents resulted in being shamed or ignored, you might find yourself shutting down or pulling away when a partner tries to get close to you. You've learned that intimacy is just a trap for more criticism.
Growing up with an EIP taught you that being yourself was "too much" and having needs was "selfish.”
I know a big part of you feels ungrateful for even thinking these things. You feel bad because they did so much for you. But, you’re allowed to be thankful for the roof over your head and still admit you were lonely and scared inside of it. You can stop protecting them now and you’re allowed to to finally take up space for yourself.
If you’re feeling a tightness in your chest or a lump in your throat, please take a deep breath. You aren't alone. In our sessions, we don't just talk about these wounds; we work to help your body finally feel safe enough to let them go.
EMDR Therapy for People-Pleasers and Adult Children of EIPs
I’m Sabrina, a licensed therapist who helps people who grew up thinking they were "too sensitive," but really just wanted their needs to matter. Some struggles I often work with include:
Always being available for everyone else—feeling like you have to take care of everyone and can't say no without feeling guilty or selfish
Being told you're "too sensitive" or "dramatic"—and secretly wondering if maybe they're right, if there really is something wrong with you
Constant need for reassurance from your partner, family, or friends that keeps you feeling anxious and dependent instead of confident in yourself
Growing up with emotionally immature parents and not knowing if your childhood experiences "count" as traumatic enough to matter–or how to heal from them
Burnout and exhaustion from doing everything for everyone while your own needs get pushed to the back burner
Fear of abandonment that makes you twist yourself into knots to avoid conflict or disappointing anyone
Not knowing who you are when you're not busy taking care of other people—feeling lost without a role to play
Living in survival mode—always anticipating what others need instead of tuning into what you actually want or feel
Wanting to reparent yourself and learn what healthy relationships actually look like when you didn't have good models growing up
Yearning for a greater spiritual connection and a therapy approach that honors who you are and what you value without losing that important clinical expertise
How We Heal: Online EMDR in Florida and Tennessee
When you’ve spent a lifetime "managing" other people’s emotions, the idea of traditional talk therapy can sometimes feel like just another thing to "perform" for. That’s why I take a different approach.
I provide Online EMDR for clients in Florida and Tennessee, focusing specifically on the "invisible wounds" left behind by emotionally immature parents.
Wait, what is EMDR? Think of it as a way to "re-file" the memories that keep you stuck in survival mode. If you still feel that "pit in your stomach" when your phone rings, or you find yourself twisting into knots to avoid conflict, that is your body remembering old patterns.
Through Online EMDR, we work to:
Decrease the "sting" of childhood memories that still feel "live" today.
Break the cycle of people-pleasing by helping your nervous system feel safe saying "no."
Process trauma from your own home, where you already feel secure and in control.
Whether you’re looking for Virtual EMDR in Tennessee or Online Trauma Therapy in Florida, my goal is to help you move out of "survival mode" and into a life where your needs finally come first.
What to Expect When You Reach Out
Taking that first step toward healing can feel vulnerable—especially when you're used to being the strong one for everyone else. I want to make this process feel as safe and clear as possible for you.
Start with a free 15-minute phone consultation: This is a gentle way for us to connect and see if my approach resonates with you. You can share what's bringing you to therapy and ask any questions about working together.
If it feels aligned, we'll schedule your first session: We'll create a safe container to explore what's been happening in your life and what kind of support you're seeking. I'll also explain how we might blend EMDR, somatic work, and spiritual practices based on what calls to you.
Begin your healing journey: Together we'll create a personalized path that honors both your human struggles and your spiritual nature. Some sessions might focus on trauma processing, others on building self-compassion, and some might include card readings or breathwork—whatever your whole self needs.
Ready to start? Click here to book a free intro call
Want to learn more first? Check out my FAQ page for answers about my approach, what sessions look like, and my unique style of support.