From High Hopes to Deep Disappointment: The Anxious Attachment Loop
You know the feeling. You're chatting with a new friend, or a family member, and there's a moment – a shared laugh, a heartfelt comment, a feeling of genuine connection.
And just like that, your mind races ahead. This is it! This feels good. This connection is real.
You're filled with this wonderful, warm sense of hope and joy. You start to picture more moments like this. It feels amazing, doesn't it?
But then, something shifts. Maybe they seem a little busy, or a plan gets canceled, or you just get a quiet moment that feels... off.
And suddenly, that lovely, hopeful feeling twists into a familiar knot in your stomach. That joy drains right out, replaced by a heavy disappointment. Your brain, in what feels like a blink, jumps to:
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Are they pulling away?"
"Am I too much?"
"Why does this always happen to me?"
"Maybe I'm not that important to them after all."
"See? I knew it wouldn't last."
Therapist Thoughts: “I wish more people understood you can have a ‘good’ childhood and still experience trauma.”
Let’s talk about it: Your childhood may have looked “good” to others on the outside OR actually felt good most of the time inside. But, yet you felt like: your parents were physically there, but emotionally distant...
People Pleasing Has Little to Do with Keeping Others Happy
People-pleasing is an external attempt to prove your worthiness to another person. It may be hard for you to believe you are worthy, just as you are. We may consciously think “I don’t want to let this person down” or “If I say no, they will be mad, upset, disappointed, etc.” Because the idea was planted somewhere of “I’m not worthy” or “I am only worthy when I do xyz,” self-sabotage sets in to confirm these beliefs.
What is Trauma?
Trauma is a normal response to an abnormal experience. It involves psychological and emotional responses to an event or situation that is deeply distressing. These responses can continue to affect a person, even long after the event has passed. Anytime an event catches us off guard and leaves a distressing impression, it can be considered traumatic….